Holy eggnog and gingerbread men, I am so happy!!! No, Hugh Jackman did not show up on my doorstep (rats). No, I did not just land the job of CEO of some prestigious company. No, I did not write and publish the next Great American Novel.
Nothing has changed. I’m on my lunch break at the same job; pretty sure Hugh is still in Australia or filming or something; and I don’t have a novel even begun. I don’t have any exciting plans for the evening: run to the library, workout, maybe read?
I’m happy because I choose to be, not because of my circumstances. I’m not lying or pretending like everything is “perfect” – I still need healing and guidance. I’ve just had a perspective change. Let’s think of it this way. Do you ever find yourself getting hot under the collar when stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic? I’ve been there. Patience is not my strength and I have a serious need for speed. But when I feel my blood pressure start to rise in that situation, I say to myself, “Is there anything you can do about this? No. So instead of getting bent out of shape, turn up the music and enjoy this time.”
Why, oh why, I never thought to apply that to the rest of my life I don’t know. 🙂 It just kind of hit me last night. I also was just so inspired by the morning’s sermon, how my church’s founding pastor didn’t deny reality but just went on loving and laughing through it. It made me think that being joyful when things are hard is not shoving everything under the rug and hoping it will go away. It’s simply saying, “These seasons come and these seasons go. Might as well make the best of it!”
What’s more, I got an outside perspective. We sometimes think we know ourselves the best, but really our view is warped and more often than not we’re our own worst enemy. This season–and it is a season. It won’t last forever–is not me. Depression is not me–it’s an affliction. I re-visited some words God has spoken over me. One that I had forgotten was that He told me that I was designed to laugh and to make others laugh. That’s who I am no matter what’s going on! I am a joyful, zany, fun-loving person! And even if I don’t always feel that way, I can choose to embrace it.
I’ll get to the other side. But while I’m on the journey, I want to enjoy it and watch my faith grow. Somebody turn up the music…