What is the first thing you want to do when feeling antsy or unstable?
Yes, I am setting you up. If you think that this is now the part where I say what I do when in the aforementioned situation, you are correct. I really would like to hear your response, but it will naturally be delayed so I might as well give you my answer now. 🙂
And yet, I’m not really going to answer the question — not quite. I’m going to tell you the second thing I want to do when the world is spinning one way and my brain is the spinning the other. Ready?
It’s writing. I know, I know, real shocker. 🙂 But it shocked me, ok? This week I’m on the cusp of several exciting but frightening events. I was feeling a-ok about it all yesterday, but then at approximately 10:06 am this morning, I heard my hopes fall from a precipice and shatter in the valley below. The resulting shock wave made my eyes water (euphemism translation: I was fighting back tears).
Suddenly that excitement and the certainty of “it’s going to be fine, even fun!” was tissue-thin and someone had kicked their stilettoed foot through it. Oh God, I’ve believed a lie! was the despairing thought.
What to do? How to assuage the swirling fear and angst? Sob in the corner? Puh-leaze. Not my scene. Send off a frantic e-mail to a friend? And have them tell me how pathetic I’m being? No thanks. How about prayer? Uh, prob should have done that first, right? And then, without any prompting from, well, myself, I thought, I want to write about this! I know that when I write my thoughts assemble in a neat and orderly line, the processes in my brain cease their beheaded chicken dance and focus all their energy on something useful, and peace stifles the panicked shouts of “We’re all going to die!”.
The cool, calm, and collected (and scarily efficient) center of my brain reports in a clipped voice, “Nothing has changed since yesterday. You will carry on, and you will be fine.” With a deft motion she whips out a pointer and proceeds to take me through a diagram of my thoughts, proving to me their irrationality and that she, then, is right.
Of course, writing does not take the place of or even come close to the peace that comes from taking my cares to the One who cares for me. But! What a wonderful gift He has given me, the ability to process through fear or confusion via writing!