To the ladies and gentlemen of the public access customer funded laundry board:
Good day. As I am well aware your coin operated apparatus prowess is highly sought after–and thereby comprising large amounts of your time–I shall keep my petition brief.
I come before you without accusation, seeking only to join my humble efforts to those desiring to make the world a more peaceful and accepting environment. My plea is simple and as follows: I beseech you with the utmost respect to broaden the category of acceptable coinage for laundering equipment.
For too long, quarters have dominated, monopolized, and all but pulverized the coin market. Nickels, dimes, and principally pennies are rendered homeless or worse–banished to an ill-cared for orphanage, also known as a water jug or fountain. I thoroughly understand the appeal of the quarters, how their slim sides slip smoothly through the palm, how their large surfaces wink brilliantly in the sunlight, the satisfying way they plunk and clink as they contact the other coins…
Yes, my esteemed friends, I too was a quarter-lover, drunk on its mesmerizing qualities. In my childhood, the quarter was the representation of all that was rich and good in the world. The coin could purchase a handful of M&M’s, a sparkling plastic ring, a sticky hand. The weight of it in my hand soothed me with its promise of purchasing power.
Yet in my maturity I have reformed. I have put away the unhealthy bias that has left “lesser” coins out in the cold. I see now the beauty of the little silver dime, its charming bashfulness as it hides behind the pennies in my wallet. The nickel’s weight and thickness denotes strength and commands attention. And the penny–so social and communal. The way they stick together through thick and thin is a beautiful lesson to us all in healthy community living.
A diverse community reflects our personal variety of characteristics and interests. Would Baskin-Robbins be what they are today if they offered only one flavor instead of thirty-one? I think not. We need and crave variety. Our closets, our pantries, our entertainment collection and so forth all abound with an assortment to fit our range of tastes. So, too, should the coin-operated laundry facilities open wide their arms to coins of every size, thickness, and color. Diversity will prevail — embrace it.
I thank you for your consideration and time.
A.N. Bees, Esquire