Focus, kiddo, focus. Le brain is la mush. And the brain is confused. All I really want to do is go comatose. Sigh. Motivation, wherefore art thou?
I was trying to write, but all that came out was meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Pretty uninteresting. 🙂
To be utterly profound and articulate, I have been thinking a lot about a lot of things. Career, hobbies, giftings, relationships…nah, that’s all far too vague. More specifically, I’ve been thinking of my goals for fashion, developing writing and really exploring that gifting, marriage (everyone and their brother is getting married right now, my word), and relationships in general. You have to understand I am a natural born hermit, perfectly content to not see another face for days. Yet how to reconcile that with the call to love and minister to people? Lord, sometimes I wonder why we have to interact at all! Lord help me. I’m praying for patience, too, because that is the greatest problem. I don’t have the patience to handle fickle emotions and differing lifestyles and yada yada.
And I discovered a few years back that I have morphed into a people pleaser, always concerned that I’m going to ruin any sort of relationship I have. Going to work can be exhausting just because of being surrounded by people! I’m sure you all can relate to some degree or another.
Anyways. I almost always contemplate during these thought adventures that perhaps the best of course of action would be to withdraw entirely from the world. Work from home and venture out to do my errands, but sever all other ties. Then I can’t hurt others or be hurt myself. So, I might as well just be dead. Haha, hm. The obvious answer is that I will just have to grow in relationships, to learn to be comfortable in them and with myself. “I am what I am by the grace of God, and His grace towards me is not in vain.”