I find it remarkable how a few short moments can change things radically. We all know this at some level — you’ve read books and/or watched movies where everyone is all smiles and then the next 30 seconds finds the world as we know it obliterated. Interesting that in books and the movies, it takes a lot longer for the reversal: disaster to smiles.
Unlike fiction, within one week–and comprised of only minutes at a time–I went from discouragement to hope. I probably should get that word tattooed across my forehead to keep me constantly reminded of its existence. There is so much hope in the world and our walk with God, but the smallest nugget of disheartenment fills our vision and pushes hope to the outskirts.
This week was practically “re-live SPU week.” I spoke at a class Tuesday night and met with one of my former profs this morning for coffee. I was a little nervous, simply because I was worried I had become jaded with my job and being all smiles about it would be false. Still grateful for my job, of course, especially in this economy. But I’m dwelling in shadowland right now, where my future just looks like more fog. I just don’t know what I want anymore.
Speaking to the students Tuesday night did not feel quite like hypocrisy coming off my lips. It was almost a reminder of the things I love about fashion, of my love for fashion (an affection felt long ago, it seems). It got my head out of the minutia bogging me down and reminded me of those visions and dreams I had once upon a time.
And this morning the same professor who encouraged me to pursue technical design once again imbued me with hope and encouragement. It just came from her during the course of conversation. No pleading or tears from me, no rambling about identity crisis. This professor just has such an incredible connection to God that He flows right through her, tainting everything she says. She sees gifts and leanings in me that I don’t recognize myself, and I came away from our chat dizzy with hope and ideas. The restless that had been chewing within me at my life’s progress or lack thereof (because I should be practically ruling the world at the ripe ol’ age of 24, dontcha know) was quieted. As a lover of learning, I am surprised that I have been so dissatisfied with this learning stage in my life. If anything, I need to relish this time of growth!
I don’t know what I will be doing in 5 years. I don’t even know what I will be doing in 5 minutes. But I am an intimately connected with the One who does, and He is nothing but faithful.
**In the efforts of re-acquainting myself with my love for fashion, I deem it necessary to go clothes shopping. Now to dig up some dough to make it happen… 🙂 **