Sound check, 1 2 3

I’m really pissed with myself at the moment.  Not the best opening sentence, granted, but it adequately expresses my mindset.  Actually, it would probably be even more accurate to say I’m bipolar at this point in time. 

I am/have fallen so short of all that I want in every arena of my life.  I am a horrible friend, I am not involved enough in ministries, I seemed to have lost all vision of what I want in a career, and I am so trapped in my routines that I am miserable.  And the future?  I feel depressed just thinking about it.  I feel like right here and now will be my peak, and it’s far from where I want to be.  Great.

Phew, ok, that needed to come out.  I am just frustrated.  I know that God loves me and has great plans for me — I’m just afraid of how I might impede those plans.  I screw up a lot of things, and have no reason to believe I won’t do the same with God’s awesome plans.

I feel as if I have my back up against a steel wall and have no clue how to get over it.  I am tired of this cycle where I am fine, then restless, fine, then restless.  I just want to get on with a normal life where I am thinking beyond myself.  I am a pro at focusing on my own needs.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent to someone other than my ficus tree, Ike.  🙂

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