I feel upon review of some of my writings that they can come across as being negative or gloomy in nature. This is not at all the intent, nor does it reflect upon my own state and fulfillment (rest assured). They are simply the product of an analytical mind, one that is always attempting to make connections.
Sometimes my writings resembles Psalms in structure. The statement of an issue; expression of discomfort, fear, or anger; the reminder to myself or God of His promises and goodness; and finally the statement of faith/knowledge that all will be well since God is in control. Tada!
Anyways, as wonderful as analysis can be for writing and knowledge development, I wish I could remove it from relationships. I am beginning to crack my cranium from frequently banging it against walls — darn my microscopic observational approach. I am too cause-and-effect. Person A is behaving this way because of Event C, therefore in order to return to Relationship State A, Event C must in the future be avoided at all costs. An asinine approach, admittedly, and one I am currently rectifying.
I believe it is an ingrained pattern, one I have been practicing since back when, as my sister put it, I “didn’t like people.” People burn you, burns are painful, I’ll pass, thanks. College broke me of that a bit, but there are still walls that refuse to tumble. And the relationships I do have? Too precious to screw up. Every precaution must be utilized for preservation. Call it Operation No Friend Left Behind (Op NFL for short…and to throw others off the scent 🙂 ). Unfortunately, as oft happens when I insist on taking matters into my own hands, I do the exact opposite of the beneficial thing. I treat my friends like fragile pots to be carefully handled to keep in pristine condition, and then blow the whole thing to pieces because my hands are slippery. My hands were never meant to hold and preserve them — that’s God’s job. I’m a pot just like my friends, and what do groups of pots do best? Hang out together and look stunning, of course. I’m not the Maker, I’m a pot, and pots are at their best when grouped together in a lovely arrangement. I know you’re staggering right now from the brilliant metaphor. 🙂 The point is, God is teaching me to simply love and be loved. Relationships were never meant to be orchestrated, complete with a list of obligations and rules. They are simply two pots enjoying the presence of each other.
This point is for now exhausted. At least my brain cannot formulate any more words on the matter at this point. Time to go hang out with some pots…