From 2003-2004 — To my floormates

Greetings all,
I must confess with a despairing heart that it was only after a severe reprimanding by you honorable women that I placed my humble flesh upon this keyboard.  It was not a lack of desire that prevented me from penning to you prior to this, but rather the absence in my persona of diligence in this matter.  I offer my deepest apologies for this gross denunciation of your status and charisma.
We are now approaching the summer that shall mark the completion of the first portion of our educational careers for some, three-fourths for a few others, and for one, the successful completion of the institute of higher and profound education, namely, college.  We will bereave this one soul immensely, but she shall forever live on in our hearts, our photographs, and our checkbooks.  May she never stray from her God-given calling, her relationships formed at the institute of higher and profound education, namely, college, and may she eternally possess the ability to display her graceful fingers in the letter “W” and the numeral “2”.  Adieu, my dear, and please practice hourly the skills you have gleaned from yours truly.
For those of us still marching down the obstacle-infested path of the institute of higher and profound education, namely, college, I pen this blessing:
In the years remaining to us, may your feet find solid ground, and your stilettos never know the vulgar phrase “doggy doo”.
May you dream large and pursue these dreams unwaveringly, and possess an adequate dose of reality so as to awaken to your roommate’s boisterous slumbers.
May your mind be enlightened, and your midriff to so stay.
May you never become disenchanted by the taxing demands of professors, the illness-inducing midterms, and the energy-draining finals that are sure to come.
May your spirit not be broken by the evils of the world.  And should it come to be so, may you always have at your disposal ample chocolate to assuage your heartache.
Lastly, may you continue to walk steadfastly in your faith, knowing that one glorious day not so long from now, you shall no longer need such blessings from my humble self.
I close now with unabated tears for our imminent departure from each other.  Do, as the British profess, “keep a stiff upper lip”.  We shall soon meet again.
Until unsurmountable guilt shall coerce my hand to write you again,

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